The One Where Karkat Gets A Rabbit
by NovaStars42
Summary: Karkat purchases a rabbit from the pet store, but John thinks he might need some reassurance. [Inspired by a super cute comic by Dorkwingducks on tumbr!]


"Karkat could you help me with-"

"No."

John Egbert hefted a bag of large puppy food up into his arms. He struggled to hold its weight along with the other miscellaneous objects he'd found to spoil his rotten dog today. Seriously, why would a dog need a blanket with little duckies on it? The dog would probably rather have the wrapper those toys came in instead of the toy itself.

Karkat threw him an unapologetically irritated look.

How in creation had he ended up here again? Oh. Right.

John didn't drive, but Karkat did. In fact, that was the whole reason behind this all. Seriously, if this guy hadn't promised him free food, Karkat would never have even thought of coming in here. He didn't like animals. They were smelly and noisy and they were too God damn expensive.

"But-!" John tried to argue.

"She is your pet, therefore not my problem," Karkat hissed.

"You could at least carry one," John huffed, readjusted the food, and turned away. Karkat hoped he was ready to leave. The sooner John got all this useless shit for his precious Pomeranian, Casey, the better.

The troll shoved his hands in to his pockets. He ambled down the aisle way after Egbert. None of the colorful packaging distracted him. He wasn't interested in anything pitching its 'new and improved formula.' He just wanted to get the puppy food, get his boyfriend, and leave.

John was almost to the cash register. Karkat was right behind him. Everything was going great.

Everything was going great, until he noticed her.

She practically sparkled.

The cage read 'Mini Rex' to indicate her breed. The symbol for female was plastered up right next to it, with the word 'Doe' next to that. Her coat was white, and speckled with black spots as dark as his hoodie. 'Broken Black' the sign specified. He gazed into her dark eyes, and she gazed back, swiveling a long ear in his direction.

She was the most gorgeous rabbit Karkat had ever seen.

"Oh.. My…" Karkat's eyes widened.

"John!" He shouted, scaring half the animals in the building.

John begrudgingly turned around, huffing again and cocking an eyebrow. The checkout was empty, the cashier was waiting for him. "What?"

"Are you seeing this?" Karkat demanded, pressing his face against the glass. The rabbit didn't seem at all bothered by his loudness.

"John, holy shit!"

"Okay, Karkat," John laughed, inching towards the checkout.

"She needs me," Karkat defied. He was seemingly unable to pull himself away from the cage.

That remark had John a bit dumbfounded. "Uhh.."

"I wanna hold her. I have to hold her, somebody let me hold her," the troll ordered.

The cashier (Stephanie, read her name tag) really looked like she was forcing her smile now. John couldn't blame her, he worked in retail too.

"I can help you," she replied with fake cheerfulness. She came around the counter and showed Karkat the proper way to pick up a rabbit, and handed her to him. Karkat cradled it gently, and he didn't mind when the rabbit scratched his wrist with its nails. The bunny's head burrowed into the crook of his neck, looking for someplace to feel safe. Karkat took it as a sign of affection.

"Rabbits don't typically like to be held," the cashier told him, "but socializing her will make her more friendly."

Karkat want listening. He didn't care about the white hair transferring onto his hoodie.

John sighed, sat his stuff down on the counter and turned to the cashier.

"I think you'd better just show me where the supplies are."

Stephanie lead him back to the back of the store where the small animal section was.

"Well, so we'd better start with a cage," she mused, and pulled out a large plastic bottomed cage.

"I'm not gonna tell you these are the best, because they don't make rabbit cages big enough for good exercise, but this is a start," she said, pulling it off the shelf. "These are good instead."

She then pulled out a box of locking play pen pieces. "And she's gotta have hay, and a mineral lick, and a water bottle."

Things were piling up faster than dead kids around here. John was, once again, struggling to hold it all.

"Last but not least," Stephanie sighed, throwing a bag of plain rabbit food onto the pile. "I wouldn't feed her anything except plain. Those foods with the stuff mixed in makes rabbits sick."

John nodded, his knees buckling. The food was the straw that almost broke the camel's back.

"Need help?" She asked.

John nodded.

Almost a hundred and fifty dollars later, John left the pet store with Karkat in tow. He still clung to the rabbit, and the rabbit clung to him, still not feeling supported. She was not cuddling with him. John could see it. Karkat refused to listen.

John held her in his lap on the way home. Karkat did have to drive, but it didn't stop him from nitpicking John's every move.

The spare room in their shared apartment quickly shifted from a junk room to a rabbit room, with all the junk piled on one side. John poked his head in every once and awhile, asking his boyfriend how he was doing. Karkat had finally put the rabbit down. She was tucked away in her cage while her owner puzzled over the interlocking play pen walls.

"Karkat, I'm going to order pizza since you won't come out of here and help with dinner," John told his boyfriend, fixing his glasses. Casey, the tiny black ball of fluff loomed behind him, cautious after being scolded out of the room earlier.

Karkat didn't look up. "I'll eat whatever earth garbage you see fit to shove down my meat tunnel."

"Wow, really? No protest what so ever?" The human's eyebrows raised.

"Lucy needs me right now," he retorted.

"You named her Lucy? As in after Drew Barrymore's character in Fifty First Dates?" John couldn't help but giggle.

"Shut up Egbert! Lucy is a beautiful name!" The shouty troll exclaimed. The dog cowered back and the bunny jumped, thumping her back feet in alarm.

Karkat slapped a hand over his mouth and glared at his boyfriend before turning back to his bunny and checking to make sure she was alright. John left and ordered the pizza. He didn't return until he had two slices on a plate, planning to deliver them.

Karkat had the pair's combined pile of junk sorted and stacked much nicer in the corner. The playpen was up, an old fleece blanket was laid out over the carpet, and Karkat was in the process of setting up the litter box.

"Foods here," John said, knocking on the door frame.

"Just leave it there," the troll sighed, finishing up. He sat still for a few minutes longer, staring at the bunny. He wasn't scowling, but his facial muscles were taunt and pulled into an unhappy expression.

"I think you should come out for a while," John pushed. "Give her some time alone to adjust."

"She needs me, John," Karkat replied.

"Hurry up, before the food gets cold. Come on, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong!" He hissed, "I'm just trying to make sure everything is up to ARBA standards!"

"What's an ARBA?" John asked, puzzled.

"American Rabbit Breeders Association," Karkat filled in, "God, John. Do you live under a rock?"

"Yeah, okay, whatever," John rolled his eyes, "what's the big deal?"

Karkat held up his phone, which John could hardly see from where he was standing.

"This, you bulge sucker," Karkat began, motioning to the room, "should all be up to care standards. Rabbits are delicate, John! It's up to me as her caretaker to provide for her!"

"Why are you being so obsessive? This really isn't like you," John folded his arms, abit awkwardly with the food in his hand.

"I'm just, it's fine okay? Just leave us alone. I'm fine, it's fine," Karkat snapped. He turned around, putting his back to John to fiddle with a rabbit toy.

Oh no. Here we go again, John thought. Usually when his boyfriend started pulling that 'it's fine' crap that meant it really wasn't fine. The self deprecating idiot was beating himself up and worrying himself sick, probably.

He was probably afraid he was going to make a mistake.

John thought back two years, back to picking Casey out of a group of eight puppies. He remembered Casey whining all the way home, and her unable to sleep without her mom. Another life was a big responsibility.

"Karkat," John spoke, "you won't be any good to her if you don't eat something. You know I'm right."

Karkat grumbled something John couldn't hear.

"Come on," John urged. That time his boyfriend got up, stepping out of the play pen.

John handed his boyfriend his food and guided him out to the kitchen.

Covered in hair, Karkat leaned on the counter near the pizza box, munching away. He inhaled food like nobody's business. Casey milled around his feet, interested in both his pizza crust and the smell of rabbit on his cloths.

"So it's almost like we brought home a new baby or something," John joked, laughing a little and smiling in a way that showed his teeth.

Karkat rolled his eyes. "The only baby I brought home today was you, Egdork."

"No way!" John insisted, "I'm totally a dad now, and that makes you the mom! Wait! I'm a dad two times over!"

"I don't care, I don't understand the concept of live birth John, it's gross!" Karkat huffed loudly.

"Mrs. Egbert, when do I get to hold our daughter? Your oldest child is begging for your attention!" John fake swooned. Casey put her paws on Karkat's leg, yapping excitedly.

"Oh like fuck I'm taking your last name!" Karkat argued. "And that dog is not my child!"

"Mrs. Egbert, please! Your language! Think of the children!" John split laughing, unable to contain it anymore. "I'm gonna call my dad and see if he's got a spare pipe and hat."

Flustered, Karkat crossed the room and took his boyfriend by either side of his head. He pressed his lips to John's in a quick, chaste kiss that efficiently shut him up.

"Yeah, whatever. Get it together, Mr. Egbert, or I'm divorcing your ass." He spat, but his words had no venom.

"We are gonna be the best rabbit dads," John grinned. "She looks just like me, what with the teeth."

Karkat couldn't help but laugh. John did share his buck teeth with Lucy. "No, I'm the rabbit dad, you're like the creepy uncle."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too, Asshole!"

"Love you too."


End file.
